so I didn’t know if female jesters had been a thing in the past and looked it up and was introduced to mathurine the fool, who gave one of the best burns in history in a silly little way.
also she apparently stopped an assassination?? amazing.
between the election and mom having 2 strokes I’m a mess. my head feels like it’s going to explode. I’m glad I didn’t witness either of them, but I’m 3 hours away right now and that sucks. I feel helpless. she was so good after the first stroke, recovered so well, then just had another one. How do I know that won’t happen again? She doesn’t seem like her usual self. She seems calmer, still sad because you know, this sucks. my car has the death wobble and I’m afraid to drive down state again. I found a way to take some back roads home if I need to. Ugh I just don’t want to be scared to drive over 55 mph.
Back in the office today and it sucked. I couldn’t stop crying. And people kept asking how I was or how mom was. Not good!!! That’s the answer!! How do I DO social media when nothing matters anymore. I know my brother is struggling and I’m 3 hours away. I missed a whole week of rehearsal so I really don’t want to miss more… if I can just stay here till Thursday then I can go down and be with them
but what if something happens? they have to do a test tomorrow to test her heart and they have to go through her THROAT. GAH THAT SOUNDS AWFUL. being in the hospital sucks. she’s miserable. not sleeping well, not eating well, feeling trapped. trying to gain her mobility and speech and mind back.
this fucking sucks!
everytime I hear a siren I just picture her in an ambulance…
nothing matters but my family right now really, but when I’m down state I miss jordyn and julien and when I’m here I miss mom and chris. i can’t win.
and of course it’s the same week as this fucking election!!!! i won’t believe anything until January 20th. I’m scared. should we get married? I don’t want to get married just because of him that’s disgusting. I want it to be special.
I’ve contacted a couple therapists because… it’s time. It’s too much. I’m a wreck. Hopefully insurance covers some of it… but I can’t really tell and I have negative spoons
The weight of my financial situation as maid of honor turns to maid of debt
So much to do and no motivation
Watching a cute dog but feeling lonely. I didn’t realize how much I hated living alone until I did it, I can barely dog sit without feeling sad.
Auditions are next week for a show I’m directing. For a show I’m directing!!! I’m still in awe I was chosen. That I was trusted and granted such a gift. A beautiful magical show!!!!
Certainly I will do my best and that’s all they can ask. And I’m going to have a dang good time doing it!! And then I’m sure I’ll break some hearts this week when I can’t cast everyone.
Having a really hard time finding my workout routine. Walking isn’t cutting it and getting to the gym has been impossible lately.
Somehow 75 felt cold earlier and now I’m warm
Suddenly I’m awake at 10pm even though I could’ve slept at 4.
I’m okay really. I have everything done I needed to get done this weekend. I had some fun. Just need to relax and pout a bit. Just need to pour sour milk into your cereal to motivate you to do the dishes and journal again.
Next week is a step in a direction I’ve only dreamt of taking. And my team is so cool and talented?! Ugh!
One of my thyroid symptoms is strawberry skin. Seeing as I’ve picked at my skin for years, this is just another thing for me to fixate on. It bothers me but a lot of my bad symptoms have improved. Just don’t feel right yet. I want to feel right again.
A colleague of mine came over to me to let me know she loves following me on socials. Honestly it was so flattering. I love expressing myself online and to see that it brings her joy warms my heart.
My pride socks are stained but they’re still cute
My teeth are bothering me but the dentist is closed
I’ve got an event tomorrow that should be fun and then I’ll be at auditions and home sweet home Monday night
I’m realizing that maybe the weight of the last week has caught up to me.
